TL;DR
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In a Seniors Guide advice column dated October 26, 2026, R. Eric Thomas responded to a 75-year-old man who said he was considering leaving his wife after 45 years of marriage. Thomas encouraged him to think through practical arrangements and seek support rather than treating the decision as something he must make or manage alone.
Advice columnist R. Eric Thomas has advised a 75-year-old man who is considering leaving his wife after 45 years of marriage to plan for both partners’ needs and seek support. In a Seniors Guide column published October 26, 2026, Thomas said ending or changing the relationship would require more than leaving abruptly, and urged the reader not to face the decision alone.
The reader, identified by the pseudonym “Self-imprisoned,” said his wife has experienced what he described as treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder, and has received different forms of treatment for about 30 years without success. He said mental health professionals and close friends had told him the relationship was harming his mental health and advised him to leave.
He wrote that he had stayed because of a vow, his wife’s dependence on him and concern that she would be devastated. He said he felt compassion for her but no longer felt love or respect, and that counselors had described the couple as codependent. The reader also said he was afraid to leave, had no family to rely on and hoped to have a healthy relationship before he died.
Thomas acknowledged the distress affecting both spouses, while framing the decision as one that calls for practical planning. He asked whether the friends and professionals recommending separation had helped the reader consider where he would go and what each partner’s life might look like afterward. He suggested the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and working with a marriage and family therapist familiar with codependent couples.
Planning Beyond the Decision to Leave
The column focuses on a problem that can be obscured when advice is reduced to stay or go: a long-term separation may require planning for housing, support and each partner’s care. The reader says his wife depends on him, while he fears having no family safety net of his own. Thomas’s response directs attention to how any change could be arranged, not only to whether the marriage should continue.
The advice also avoids treating the reader’s age as proof that change is impossible. At the same time, it does not promise that leaving will produce a healthy new relationship or resolve either person’s difficulties. Thomas’s emphasis is on considering a different arrangement with help, rather than making a major life decision in isolation.
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A 45-Year Marriage Under Strain
The letter describes a relationship shaped by decades of the wife’s reported mental-health treatment and the husband’s role in supporting her. The reader said counselors had called the relationship codependent, but the column provides no independent assessment of either spouse and does not detail the treatments or their outcomes beyond his account.
Thomas replied as an advice columnist, not as a clinician evaluating the couple. He expressed sympathy for both partners and noted that illness and caregiving strain may have changed the marriage. His response suggested that the couple could consider a different arrangement and recommended professional help suited to their situation.
““I would like to have a healthy relationship before I die.””
— The reader, writing as “Self-imprisoned”
The Couple’s Plans Remain Unknown
The column does not say whether the reader has decided to leave, whether his wife has been told he is considering it or whether the couple has begun planning a separation or another arrangement. It also gives no details about their finances, housing options, care needs or access to ongoing support—factors that could shape what is feasible.
The wife’s diagnoses and treatment history appear only in the reader’s account. The column does not provide a clinical evaluation, the wife’s perspective or independent confirmation of what professionals and friends advised. Thomas’s response offers general guidance through the column; it does not report a specific outcome for the couple.
Support and Practical Planning
Thomas’s suggested next steps were to consider reading Beattie’s Codependent No More and to work with a marriage and family therapist experienced with codependent couples. He also encouraged the reader to discuss what a different arrangement could involve, including where each spouse might live and what support they would need.
No follow-up from the reader or decision by the couple was included in the report. Whether they pursue counseling, plan a separation or choose another course remains unknown.
Key Questions
What did the reader ask for advice about?
He asked about leaving a 45-year marriage at age 75. He said his wife depended on him, that he felt the relationship was harming his mental health and that he was afraid to leave.
What did Eric Thomas recommend?
Thomas encouraged the reader to think through the practical details of a different arrangement, seek support and consider working with a marriage and family therapist experienced with codependent couples.
Did the reader decide to leave his wife?
The column does not report a decision. It describes his concerns and Thomas’s response, but provides no later update.
What is known about the wife’s mental health?
The reader said his wife had treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder and had been receiving treatment for about 30 years. Those details are reported as his account; the column includes no independent clinical assessment.
Source: seniorsguide.com
